Authbition Weekly — Adding My Voice to My Writing
The tears and laughter were unexpected
Welcome to the weekly newsletter for Authbition—it’s Authenticity and Ambition. It’s the best of the best, built on vulnerability, non-attachment, caring, thoughtfulness, and whole-mindedness.
Starting the Authbition podcast has given me the opportunity to do something I don’t usually do - read my essays aloud. A few weeks ago, in episode A020, I unexpectedly broke into tears while reading to my wife. In the most recent episode, A022, I erupted with laughter while reading an essay to my friend.
“If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special.”
- Legendary North Carolina State Basketball Coach, Jim Valvano, March 4, 1993
The story I read this week was, I Grew up as a Natural Born Killer. Maybe I should have lead with the subtitle: It took time to build perspective for empathy and compassion.
This essay is filled with stories of youthful mischief and reckless behavior. These are tales that, as a young man, I’d tell around a fire pit to friends and family. They are coming-of-age stories. But here at fifty-two years old, sitting down to write them brought on an entirely different emotion. I’ll describe it as sentimental, although I can’t put a finger on it.
I had an entirely new emotion when I decided to share it. I am working with a writing coach, and I thought, “She’s going to dump me when I send this to her.” I was afraid that she’d judge me. To my delight, she supported me. But that same fear struck again when I submitted it to a publication. The first attempt resulted in a rejection, sending me back into a spiral of doubt. After days of reflection, I sought feedback from another editor who enthusiastically published it. I immediately felt fear. “My readers are going to unsubscribe,” I thought.
Then I decided to read it on the podcast, and as my friend started to laugh, I began to laugh. It was contagious.
All of that laughter reminded me why these were such fun stories to tell around a campfire. As my wife tells me, “There’s something innocent about children doing mischief.” In high school, I shared vulnerable stories written in essays for my English class. I had the same fear then, to turn those papers in, as I do today. The teacher said, “You’ll be happy you went through these experiences now. Doing them when you’re older will have much greater consequences.”
She was right. The mischief I did as a child gave me the perspective to be a loving adult.
Yet the emotional roller coaster of this week’s story is something I’ve yet to unpack fully. The sentimental feelings of writing it. The fear of sharing the written work. The laughter to read it aloud. That fascinates me.
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This Week’s Highlight
This past week, I did a lot less reading and a lot more listening to music while on a 2200+ mile road trip to the Upper Peninsula with a friend to go mountain biking. There’s a whole other story there to unpack. It’s about letting go of control. If you’re curious what we were listening to on the road, I made a playlist on Spotify: MTB Road Trip. It’s a heavier taste.
Thank you for taking the time to read, listen, and watch Authbition. I appreciate you.
Sharing Authbition with your friends and letting me know what resonates is the fuel that keeps this road trip going.
Health, happiness, kindness, respect
for every being and all things.
— Andrew
