What does it cost to care for others for decades?
This week on Authbition, I sit down with nurse and writer Pamela Bonse to explore a tension I’ve seen up close in my own life: the beauty of caregiving — and the burnout that can follow if we’re not careful.
Pam spent years on a busy hospital floor caring for diabetic and renal patients. We talk about adrenaline, self-neglect, fascination with the human body, and kidneys. They’re magic.
What happens when giving becomes your identity?
👉 Listen or watch here:
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Before we get into the readings, we talk about:
We also touch on something that runs quietly beneath the episode: the way life can fall apart… and then rebuild into something unexpectedly beautiful.
Pam reads two very different pieces.
The first is a dream-allegory about aging.
In a crowded restaurant, she says goodbye to three dear companions: Beauty, Youth, and Self-Confidence. A handsome man named Mortality escorts her into a garden to meet his mother — Old Age.
It’s tender. It’s poetic. It’s a little haunting.
Then she pivots.
The second reading is a preview of a darker fiction piece — a chilling ransom-note scene that sets the stage for a future Halloween episode. The tonal range between the two readings is remarkable.
(I plan to bring Pam back in October.)
This week’s word pair: Selfless and Selfish
At first glance, they feel opposed. Nurses are selfless. “Selfish” sounds ugly.
But as we played the game, some surprising words emerged:
Best of selfish:
Best of selfless:
When we distilled it down, the best of the best became:
Be a leader.
A true leader takes care of themselves and elevates everyone around them. They put on the oxygen mask first — not out of ego, but so they can serve well.
The dark side?
Burned out and alone.
The nurse who gives for decades without boundaries.
The person who loses themselves in duty.
The life that becomes empty instead of expansive.
That phrase lingered with both of us.
Care without self-care is not sustainable.
Self-care without care for others is empty.
The work — in nursing, in parenting, in leadership, in life — is learning how to hold both.
This episode isn’t just about healthcare. It’s about how to live in a way that doesn’t grind you down.
If you’re someone who gives a lot — at work, at home, in your community — this conversation may feel uncomfortably familiar.
👉 Press play:
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0:00–9:30 — Nursing culture: giving, adrenaline, and the hidden cost
20:33–24:57 — Dream allegory: Beauty, Youth, Self-Confidence, and Mortality
27:01–30:32 — Halloween fiction preview: Beachcomber
31:27–58:03 — Whole Mind Game: Selfless and Selfish → “Be a leader”
1:06:00–1:07:10 — The dark side: Burned out and alone
If you listen to only one section, make it the Whole Mind Game (31:27–58:03). That’s where the tension really lands.
Thank you to Pamela Bonse for her honesty, imagination, and willingness to explore both tenderness and darkness in the same conversation.
If this episode resonated, please consider sharing it with someone who’s trying to give generously without losing themselves in the process.
Your listening, sharing, and feedback are what allow this work to grow.