What Is the Whole Mind Game?
Beyond Either / Or
Nonduality, to me, is one of the most important skills for living a joyful and fulfilling life.
I’ve personally encountered the idea of nonduality across many parts of my life — in studying physics, in reading the Bible and the Dao De Ching, in listening to Alan Watts, and in discovering Jim Collins’ concept of the Genius of the AND. I recognized it in my favorite childhood movie, Star Wars. I felt it in the practice of yoga. And over time, I began to notice the same pattern showing up again and again in the best books I’ve ever read.
Everywhere I found it, though, nonduality felt elusive — buried in metaphor, hidden inside complex theories, or explained only in hindsight. None of what I studied, read, enjoyed, or practiced gave me a practical way to apply nonduality to everyday life.
That’s why I created The Whole Mind Game.
What I Mean by Nonduality
When I use the word nonduality, I’m not making a spiritual or metaphysical claim.
I’m pointing to something much more practical:
Nonduality is the ability to move beyond either/or thinking and hold opposing ideas at the same time — without collapsing them, compromising them, or choosing one over the other.
Most of life trains us to decide:
Coffee or tea
Speed or precision
Work or rest
Logic or emotion
Decision-making is important — but when everything becomes either/or, something essential gets lost.
What if the best answers don’t live at the extremes?
What if the most powerful path forward isn’t choosing a side — but learning how to hold both?
This is the foundation of Whole Mind Thinking.
What Is Whole Mind Thinking?
Whole Mind Thinking is a way of engaging tension rather than eliminating it.
Instead of asking:
Which one is right?
It asks:
What becomes possible when I hold both?
Whole Mind Thinking explores:
the best and worst of two opposing ideas,
not to compromise between them,
and to discover a new insight that only appears when both are fully present.
The Whole Mind Game is a simple, structured way to practice this kind of thinking — playfully, socially, and insightfully.
You can use it for:
personal reflection
group conversations
coaching and mentoring
creative brainstorming
All it requires is curiosity, a tension, and a few well-placed questions.
The Core Rhythm of The Whole Mind Game
The game follows a rhythm.
Tension. Question. Reflection.
1. Name a Tension Pair
Start with two words or short phrases that appear to be opposed.
I call this a tension pair.
These tensions are usually spoken with an “or”:
fast or slow
selfish or selfless
hard or soft
In the game, we intentionally reframe them using “and”:
fast and slow
selfish and selfless
hard and soft
This small shift opens the door to Whole Mind Thinking.
On cards or in writing, I often show tension pairs like this:
Hard <> SoftSpoken aloud, they they read as, “Hard and Soft.”
2. Ask Six Questions
For each tension pair, players answer six questions — one at a time.
Each response is a single word or short phrase.
What’s the best of the first word?
What’s the worst of the first word?
What’s the best of the second word?
What’s the worst of the second word?
What’s the Best of the Best? (the synergy)
What’s the Worst of the Worst? (the trap)
The trick, and it’s an important one, is taking the time to boil down an avalanche of thoughts into this single word or short phrase. Players share their answers after each question, taking time to reflect before moving on.
3. Reflect and Apply
After the six questions, pause and reflect:
What surprised you?
What did you learn?
What assumptions were challenged?
Then ask:
What are three ways I can apply the synergy in everyday life?
This is where insight turns into action.
The Four Types of Tension Pairs
After playing the game many times, I noticed that most tensions fall into four broad categories.
Understanding these categories helps players know what kind of insight they’re exploring.
1. Constructive Tension
These are two positive forces pulling in different directions.
Each brings strength — and together they create balance.
Example:
Hard <> Soft
Hardness protects, defines, and holds.
Softness listens, adapts, and flows.
A possible synergy: Resilience — strength with give.
Constructive tensions show up constantly in design and leadership.
For example: speed and comfort.
When both are maximized, you don’t get a compromise — you get a Gran Turismo.
2. Emotional Paradox
These tensions explore emotional states that feel contradictory, yet often coexist.
Example:
Joy <> Grief
Grief honors loss.
Joy honors life.
A possible synergy: Gratitude — for what was, and what is.
Emotional paradoxes deepen emotional literacy and compassion.
See the Game in Action
We play The Whole Mind Game often on the Authbition podcast. If you’re looking for one great example of how it works in real life, start with Episode A033 — When Grief and Joy Share the Same Table.
🎧 Watch or listen on your favorite platform:
YouTube | Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Amazon Music
In that conversation, my guest and I walk through the game together using the tension pair Joy and Grief. It’s a grounded, human example of how holding both sides — without rushing to fix or choose — can open up insight, compassion, and surprising clarity.
3. Moral Polarity
These tensions carry ethical weight.
One side may seem clearly “better,” but wisdom comes from understanding both.
Example:
Honesty <> Deceit
Honesty builds trust.
Deceit often arises from fear or protection.
A possible synergy: Discernment — knowing how and when truth should be spoken.
Moral polarity invites nuance, humility, and self-awareness.
4. Delightful Dilemma
These tensions are light-hearted, personal, and fun.
Example:
Beach <> Mountains
A possible synergy: Adventure — nature in any direction.
Delightful dilemmas remind us that not every tension needs to be serious to be meaningful. Play builds connection.
How to Play (Quick Summary)
Name a tension pair and say it aloud using “and.”
Example: Love and HateAsk the six questions, one at a time.
Each player responds with a word or short phrase.Reflect together.
Notice insights, surprises, and shifts in perspective.Apply the synergy.
Identify concrete ways to bring it into daily life.
There is no winning.
The goal is exploration, connection, and growth.
Final Thoughts
Whole Mind Thinking isn’t a technique.
It’s a mindset — one that finds possibility in paradox, creativity in constraint, and clarity in complexity.
The Whole Mind Game turns that mindset into a practice.
Invite your tension.
Name your synergy.
Grow your Whole Mind.
